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Divorce - A New Rite of Passage for the 21st Century
By Benjamin West Published: 12/01/2009
Separation does not mean that your world's coming to an end. Sure, sometimes it feels as if everything you worked for is gone and that the beliefs you held sacred have failed you. You might doubt your faith in Divinity, disavow your faith in real love, as well as shake your fist at what has happened with you. But even though the emotional upheaval is huge, as the old saying goes, "you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs."
A divorce may be the end of one world. When one goes through a divorce there are numerous things which change. For women it's a name change and for both parties custody of children and pets, division of property and mutually purchased items as well as obtaining separate residences. Every time you need to make a choice it might seem like the end of the world. Keep in mind that your own birth was not easy for you or your mom but was worth it in the end. And in the end you become two separate beings instead of one. Ending a marriage is almost the same: it could be long, hurting,agonizing, and snatch the efforts from you and your partner as well. And in the end, you are two separate beings instead of one.
For people whose marriages are far from what they hoped, divorce brings the opportunity to regroup, learn from previous mistakes, and assimilate new information. Single life might not be easy but carry on! The other part of this trip is you pursuing your goals and having a new grasp of what life holds. Is it scary? Of course it is. However, for M. Scott Peck, a breakthrough relationships psychologist said, "go out into the anonymous is always make afraid, but you know what is different only by a new adventure." Since life is an adventure you have to go through some trial and error in the process. Treat this break up as an examination which you should clear in your own persona Hero's journey
How do we deal with figurative baggage now? Common perceptions of divorces include such images as people stuck in cyclic patterns who continuously replay the same hurtful scenarios over and over again, or people who take their hurt and anger from a previous partner out on their current partner. Certainly there is a grain of truth in these stereotypes.
How come it's completely untrue? In your interpersonal relationship arsenal you have many tools and the relationship that just ended has provided you with even more insight and experience. Every bump along the road and painful situation can be a tool for avoiding future negative situations.
Be wary of excessively using this new information! The key to keeping yourself from becoming the epitome of the baggage stereotype is to use objectivity and cognitive compassion with the new insight. The painful experiences associated with your divorce will trigger you to apply those insights needlessly and assume that a current lover's motivation for behavior is the same as your ex's motivation. Watch out since it might be false.
A benefit from going through a separation or divorce will be the ability to judge circumstances more accurately. So is the concept that sadness and separation does not automatically equal an ending. Finish this book in your life, and then move on to the new one. As the poet Anais Nin said, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Happy Blossoming!
